The path to atonement
by Tanda3467
Summary: A million thoughts can run through a human mind in a fraction of a second.Being killed by your best friend,does that make one feel better or worse?But he knew it was like drinking medicine;like it or not u have to do it. Lelouch's POV of the Zero Requiem.


Hello everyone this is my fourth Code Geass fic. I had never quite been able to get over the ending of CG and this one like all my previous fics are based on it. But I hopefully with this one I think I finally managed to get over it. This fic describes Lelouch's feelings as he was being killed by Suzaku. I've worked a lot on it. So please read fully and leave a review. Enjoy!

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**THE PATH TO ATONEMENT:**

I gave the order for the procession to begin. At Jermiah's signal the dozen knightmare frames guarding me and the prisoner's vehicles on either side of me started inching forward slowly.

In an hour the procession was passing through the main streets of Pendagron and in the background an announcer had started announcing my glories.

Jermiah was handling things efficiently; not bothering me for instructions or giving me the slightest trouble. I had enough time to relax and observe things.

A huge crowd had gathered to witness the execution of their last hope-The Black Knights.

But though it was huge, it wasn't noisy. Everyone knew too well what would happen if they caused even the tiniest disturbance in emperor Lelouch's parade. Still it was a strained and uneasy silence.

I turned my gaze towards the Black Knights. Though they weren't showing it, I could see the uneasiness in their eyes, the defeat on their faces. If only I could let them know they weren't the ones going to die.

Kallen was staring up at me with undisguised loathing, looking as if she wanted nothing more than to kill me. Well her wish was about to come true.

I looked at my sister. She wasn't looking at me, like the others. But was staring down, resigned. I wondered if she hated me with the same intensity as the others; if she was even capable of such hatred. A part of me wanted her to hate me, so it would be easy for her. But a more selfish part of me was terrified of the prospect.

Still I was glad she didn't look at me. It was better I didn't look at her either.

I stared ahead on the road. It was nearing late afternoon and the day was stiflingly hot. Sweat trickled down my forehead and back. I spotted a blue haired head amidst the crowd. So Rivalz had come to watch as well. Worry and sorrow laced his features; but I was surprised to find no anger or hate. Rivalz, you still don't hate me? Somehow that hurt.

But why was I looking at everyone? I decided not to look anymore.

It was now almost two hours since we started. The procession was moving at an intolerably slow pace, which meant everyone had enough time to stare at me. I could sense an undercurrent of whispers rippling through the crowd & feel the eyes of almost every member upon me. I wished Suzaku would hurry; this was becoming unendurable.

But then another thought struck me...what if Suzaku decided not to show up? Will he really do that in the last minute? If he did I'll have no choice but to execute the prisoners...for the first (and the last) time in my life I realized I had absolutely no backup plan.

But even as I had this thought, I knew he wouldn't back down. After all he had agreed without any resistance when I had told him this plan. It hurt a little, but I knew I deserved it.

I had killed Euphy after all. But still, I knew he wasn't a cold blooded murderer. Suzaku was never like that even in a battle. A part of him did want to see me die and atone for my sins. But another part of him did have atleast a little regard for me as his once best friend. I could sense passivity from him, but never coldness. I knew he was hurt too; the stress of this act had worn in on him. After all working in close proximity with the person you are eventually going to kill is no small feat. I could imagine the mental trauma it must have caused him.

But there was no other way. The world had gone too far beyond help. Zero Requiem was the only way I could think of; because nothing united the people more than a common enemy. It would tear down barriers; cultural, ethical, linguistic, racial; and unite the people in their hatred for me. And just when they would cry out for a savior, Zero would come & kill me. Thus establishing himself as their ultimate leader. And under his guidance the world can move towards a new beginning.

It was like drinking medicine; you may not like it, but you have to do it.

Besides; it's not like I had anything to complain much. I just wanted this ordeal to end. End the hatred constantly stabbing at my being. End the looks of total disgust and revulsion I got; even from the people I loved.

Of course I had wanted this. But still it hurt; hurt more than Suzaku's passivity; more than everything. I wanted to end it; this helpless agony of wordlessly enduring it.

But in a way I supposed I was lucky too; because my death would be for a reason and there are so many people who die for no reason at all.

The procession passed a set of shadowy office buildings where Cornelia was most likely to be hiding. It was likely that Viletta was with her. I was a bit worried that seeing Ohgi might cause her to do something impulsive and cause an ugly scene to ensue. And it would be a total disaster if Cornelia decides to make some move to rescue the prisoners.

If only Suzaku would hurry.

As if in answer to me I heard gasps and cries from the crowd. Looking ahead I saw him: my replacement.

Until that moment I had never actually thought of myself and Zero as two completely different entities, but I as watched him standing there dressed fully in Zero's costume; the thought struck me forcefully.

He stood there for a moment before rushing forward with incredible speed. I didn't know what to feel, happy? Scared? Excited?

But my mind was completely blank as he rushed through all possible knightmare attacks and past Jermiah. And before I knew it he was standing before me. The first thought that struck me was that I was still sitting. I got up, my hand drawing out the pistol at my side. I had to show some resistance...

"_You cretin_" I shouted pointing the gun at him...

He drew out his sword.

There was a sharp pain as it cut through my palm, knocking the gun out of my grasp; making it to simply fly through the air. It was turning out to be such a good show.

I let my hand drop and faced him.

Finally! It would end!

The days of being hated, of pretending to laugh, scorn and mock; portraying myself as full of spite, when in truth I was completely exhausted.

But it would all end now.

Finally I would be free.

So it was with a pure sense of relief that I smiled at him.

He stood there for a moment in absolute stillness; looking totally imposing and powerful.

Then he leveled the sword at me and drew it back in a graceful arc to gather the momentum he needed. The sun made the emeralds set on the blade sparkle, oddly reminding me of his eyes. Suzaku really did know to make grand moves with a sword. The crowd was going to love him.

He started bearing down upon me in a piercing stance.

Somewhere behind me, I was surprised to see Kallen screaming for Zero to stop. Did she figure out our plan? Didn't matter now though.

I saw Tianzi close her eyes & turn her face away. Maybe I should be scared?

But somehow I was not, in fact I felt strangely calm; even a little curious. This was not a cold enemy. This was my best friend, someone I had known and played with as a child. After all it was just Suzaku. What was there to be scared of?

The sword was almost upon me now; rapidly closing the gap between us.

I relaxed my body and inhaled deeply; readying myself for the impact. I wanted to make it easy for him. Because no matter how many times he might have said in the past that he wanted to kill me; I knew how difficult it was for him to actually do it. I did not want him to encounter the slightest resistance from me...

The blade hit my chest. I was only aware of my shirt ripping as it plunged into my body; then pain overrode everything; bright, clear and terrible. My vision filled with blazing white as I heard myself cry out hoarsely.

The blade was so cold; that it burned as it pierced through me; the pain extending from my chest through my entire body in excruciating waves.

There was an agonizing clarity in that pain; making me live every moment of it in an ultra slow motion; suspending time itself.

I felt the blade slip between my ribs and heard the blood bubbling into my lungs as it plunged deeper; finally emerging out of my back in a racking stab of pain. It was a pain beyond what my body could handle.

So this is how all the people I had killed must have felt; this is how CC must have felt every time she died...

It was a long sword and Suzaku meant to insert it till the hilt. He only meant well; not wanting me to suffer too long. Still it was pure agony to just stand there and feel the blade slide through me like a giant snake.

How many seconds had passed I had no way of telling; but after a while I could no longer feel the sword's passage through my body. Suzaku had finished stabbing me.

Life's blood poured out of the wound drenching my robes in warm wetness; staining them in crimson red.

I tried to say something; react in a way that wouldn't make Suzaku feel too guilty; because I knew what a psychological blow it was to Suzaku...if I died without saying anything he would torture himself for years or...uhm... well he'd go insane...But I couldn't move; my body was frozen in shock; as if invisible hands were holding me in place.

"_Le Lelouch"_ I heard a strained voice that could only be Suzaku's...

The passivity from before was completely gone now; his voice shook with suppressed emotion. I hung on to that voice much like a drowning man hangs on to a log and brought myself out of that paralysis. My vision filled with blue and I realized I had been staring at the sky as my senses slowly returned. But the moment the paralysis left me; the strength left me too.

Like a puppet released from its strings; I slumped onto his shoulders; impaling myself further in the process. But if Suzaku hadn't been there I would have toppled with the sword still through me.

I clutched the wound as fresh blood gushed through my fingers. Suzaku was supporting my entire weight now; his body was tense, rigid. He was crying. Somehow that made it worse. Being pitied only made the pain all the more unbearable. I was glad the mask covered his face; I didn't think I could stand the sight of his tears.

Besides why was he crying for me? He was as much a victim as myself. Don't feel sorry for me Suzaku; feel sorry for yourself. Because...

"_This is also a punishment for you"_ I gasped...It was a mean thing to say, especially in this hour of parting. But as long as Suzaku was convinced he was being punished as well; he wouldn't feel too sorry for me. Besides it was the truth after all.

_"You will be the defender of justice and wear a mask forever."_ I whispered, my voice sounded faint and distant in my own ears. There was a deep throbbing ache in my midsection and each word I uttered only intensified the pain. But I had to go on; whatever I said now will have a huge impact on Suzaku. I cannot stop now.

_"You will no longer be able to live as Kururugi Suzaku..."_ I continued quietly...But I couldn't help feeling sorry for him... I had sentenced him to a life of silent suffering... I hated myself for it. With a little effort I took my hand from the wound and raised it up; feeling as if dragging a heavy weight through the air...I placed my hand on his mask in an effort to comfort him...I had hated being pitied; maybe he hated it too...still I felt sorry for him...

My body had gradually grown numb...and I was beginning to lose track of my thoughts... I had to be quick...using every bit of my slowly waning strength I forced myself to go on...

_"You will sacrifice all of your own happiness for this world...eternally..."_ I finished closing my eyes against the pain, refusing to give in to death until l heard his answer...

But my pain will end now; it's Suzaku's that's beginning...

"_I accept...this Geass"_ I heard his steady voice from behind the mask...

The firmness of his voice was reassuring. It was the answer I wanted to hear. I knew he wouldn't back down from this duty; no matter how hard it is.

Yes Suzaku, it's your turn now. Your turn to bear the burden I had borne so far. Your turn to be Zero ...to be the symbol of hope and justice...so live on...live on to defend and protect...And see for yourself what it is like to be Zero; what it is like to have the hopes of millions be placed upon you; what it is like to have the entire world's responsibilities on your shoulders...Maybe then you will come to understand me a little more...

My hand fell from the side of the mask like a dead weight.

I felt a slight shift in his body; then there was a searing pain as he swiftly pulled out the sword, tearing the wound further.

I had forgotten all about this part and wasn't quite prepared. I stumbled backward unbalanced.

The absence of the sword's weight made me feel light; dizzy. I was bleeding rapidly; my entire shirt was soaked; the blood gushing out faster with no sword to stem its flow. In a way it was comforting; feeing the blood spreading gently as if in a warm embrace... Still it was hard to believe it was all coming from me; I mean I had always been such a skinny guy.

Anyway I didn't want Suzaku to keep looking at me. For a moment I swayed unsteadily; surveying the hazy violet shape before me... I turned away and took a few unsteady steps... It felt strange as if I was walking against the current in deep water and...I came to a stop at the edge of the ramp...it was then that I realized the deathly silence surrounding me. I didn't realize it then; but I hadn't heard a single thing from the moment Suzaku had stabbed me... I could imagine the expressions that must be on the faces watching me in such complete silence. But thankfully I was beginning to lose consciousness; so was spared of actually seeing it.

My legs gave away and my head hit something hard as I fell forward. Ordinarily the fall would have hurt, but right now I only had a vague sensation of sliding over something before coming to a stop at the bottom.

Now all that's left is to die.

It wasn't painful anymore; in fact there was no sensation in my body.

Now that the worst was over; it wasn't so bad after all. I was still bleeding a little, but the pain from before seemed to be a million years behind. My body just felt numb, like it was made of rubber. My senses were no longer working and I felt drowsy and heavy, like I had not slept for days and was falling asleep.

It was even pleasant; just lying there; slipping slowly into unconsciousness; not feeling; not thinking... just waiting for death. I might even be enjoying it. So this is what people meant when they said death was peaceful...

I sensed more than felt a gentle touch on my arm; somehow alien in the sea of hatred surrounding me.

"_Brother..."_

It was Nunnally. I fought my way back to consciousness just to be with her a little longer. I didn't care if she hated me. I just wanted to be with her; even if just for a few seconds.

"_Brother, I love you"_

Joy exploded like million lights inside my heart. She didn't hate me after all. Even after all that I did; even after all the pain I caused; she didn't hate me. The only person I truly loved; the one person I had always lived for; who was my entire world; didn't hate me. Somehow I knew she understood what I was doing. I was grateful for that.

Thank you, Nunnally. Thank you so much. I love you too. I love you so much, Nunnally.

I felt warm tears on my hand as she held it close to her eyes. I wanted to comfort her like I had comforted Suzaku; but my hand might as well have belonged to somebody else for all the sensation left in it.

Don't cry Nunnally, I begged her silently. You'll be in a much better world and in safe hands... I'll always be with you... I'm not upset; so don't be sad.

She was gripping my hand too tightly as if I was about to physically leave her; I lifted my head slightly and tried focusing on her.

But the only object I my fading vision could pick out was the sun, burning brighter than everything else. I stared at it endlessly. Its fiery brilliance brought something to my mind. Something very similar to the sun which I had done...yes, in spite of all the hardship, in spite of fate's constant attempt to thwart my plans, in spite of the physical and mental strain; I had not been hampered. I had won.

I raised my eyes to the heavens themselves in defiance; daring them to challenge me... and using every last bit of my strength I brought myself to speak the only words I could think of...

"_Yes...I destroy worlds...create worlds..."_

A draft of cool air blew around my face; a pleasant sensation enveloped me as my eyes began to close. The last thing I saw was an image of myself, Nunnally and Suzaku playing as kids. I found myself smiling; because I knew in the future many more kids will play in a much safer world.

I closed my eyes.

All is well.

**THE END**

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_Be gentle, sky, and let me rest._

_For I am worn and have fulfilled my quest._

_Upon an empire of lies,_

_I encased the world in pure disguise._

_Hiding what my deepest thoughts had been,_

_In hopes that the world will once again be clean._

_But now I'm done and long to sleep._

_For my strength is not for me to keep._

_Oh Death my friend, so good to see you._

_Take me with you for my pain to ease._

_For I wish nothing more than to rest in peace._

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**Heroes, after all, are not like the rest of us. They live hard and die young. They are made to bear burdens so others can be free. They are forced to look for courage and strength within themselves and made to sacrifice what they want and love so everyone else can be happy. That's what makes them heroes, after all. Maybe if they can smile in the end while looking back and, of course, while looking ahead, that is their victory****.**

**Rest in peace Lelouch**

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**A Tribute to all good souls who had to leave this world.**

_God looked around his Garden and found an empty place._

_He then looked down upon his earth and saw your loving face._

_He put his arms around you and lifted you to rest._

_His Garden must be beautiful, he always takes the best._

_As the days come and go and the world moves on,_

_I know you're still here, you'll never be gone._

_On the day the Angel came and took your hand,_

_I cried as you left for an unknown land._

_But Heaven rejoiced as you came into sight,_

_For your soul was a diamond, shining so bright!_

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**Author's notes: **

Well people like I said with this fic, I finally got over Code Geass. I'll be moving onto others now; unless you want me to continue. But I really worked a ton on this fic, the poem too, so if you like it please leave a review. It'll mean so much to me. Thank you.


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